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1. Individuals define caring
What is caring ... For starters ...
Caring is knowing, feeling, and acting in the interests of others.
(Forcey)
To care for another person is to help him/her grow and actualize
him/herself.
(Milton Meyeroff)
To be concerned about and to facilitate the growth and actualization
of other people, the planet, and even oneself.
(Harriet Heath)
Any thoughtful human response (or non-response) that enables others to thrive.
(Nel Noddings)
Written as a self-help question ...
"Am I extending a kindness or being helpful in a way that is
useful to the person or thing being cared for? Will this better
help them to go on their own ... and in turn, will this help them
to become a force that caringly enhances their surroundings?"
(Marty Kirschen - editor)
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2. MEANING IN CARING...The words of Milton Mayeroff
From his book, "On Caring" Milton Mayeroff's book "On Caring" (Harper
Perennial © 1971). From the September 1999 newsletter.
He has helped me to understand and to practice caring.
Other than the headings (written by me), I present the excerpts
to you in order they appear in the introduction and first chapter
of this 100 page jewel of a book. The emphasis of the excerpts provided
today is on a deeper level of caring between two persons - the carer
and the cared-for, in the general context of life. Following this
section you may see how the survey, "Being caring builds caring"
(addendum) and the self-help reflection tool "Caring that goes around
comes around" (section 4) incorporates some of Milton Mayeroff's
thinking.
The goal of caring is to help the other actualize
himself
"To care for another person, in the most significant sense,
is to help him grow and actualize himself ... Caring is the antithesis
of simply using the other person to satisfy one's own needs. (page
1)
My connection to as well as separateness from
the cared for "In caring as helping the other grow, I experience
what I care for as an extension of myself and at the same time as
something separate from me that I respect in its own right. ...
For a caring parent, the child is felt to have a worth of his own
apart from his power to satisfy the parent's needs." (page 7,8)
In helping, I respond, to the direction of the
cared for "In caring I experience the other as having potentialities
and the need to grow. In helping the other grow I do not impose
my own direction; rather, I allow the direction of the other's growth
to guide what I do, to help determine how I am to respond and what
is relevant to such response. I appreciate the other as independent
in its own right with needs that are respected... we follow the
lead of the subject matter."(page 9,10)
Devotion and constancy are essential elements of
caring "Devotion is essential to caring, just as it is an integral
part of friendship. I commit myself to the other and to a largely
unforeseeable future. When devotion breaks down, caring breaks down....
Viewed at a particular time, devotion is shown by my being 'there'
... Viewed over an extended period, it is shown by my consistency...."
(page 10,11)
What I want to do and what I ought to do are the
same "Obligations that derive from devotion are a constituent
element in caring, and I do not experience them as forced on me
or as necessary evils; there is a convergence between what I feel
I am supposed to do and what I want to do." (page 11)
Caring for another helps the other to care for
and about others "To help another person grow is at least to
help him to care for something or someone apart from himself, and
it involves encouraging and assisting him to find and create areas
of his own in which he is able to care...." (page 13)
Help in a way that the cared for can go on to help
himself "... also, it is to help that other person to come to
care for himself, and by becoming responsive to his own need to
care to become responsible for his own life." (page 13)
Learning caring is more experiencing than it is
being told Growing includes learning to the degree that one
is able, where learning is to be thought of primarily as the re-creation
of one's own person through the integration of new experiences and
ideas, rather than as the mere addition of information and technique."
(page 13)
Learning and living a life of caring involves all
other values "The concept of 'caring' is developed by disclosing
its relationships to other significant concepts like 'trust,' 'honesty,'
and 'humility,' and it also grows by coming to terms with seeming
exceptions." (page 14)
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3. "The Heart of Caring" from works of Nel Noddings
This month's newsletter continues our in depth exploration - discovery
of the meaning of caring. Last month's review of Milton Mayeroff's
book "On Caring" closely examined the "what" of caring - helping
a child to better be able to one day help him or herself. This month
we focus upon the "want" of caring - building the desire to care.
We will see that building the desire to care comes from the continual
interaction between what we do and how we feel. Over time our caring
feelings do not only grow based on what we do ... they become infused
in our actions as well.
In looking at two works of Nel Noddings, a pioneer
in building caring in school, we see ways we can build devotion.
Dr. Nodding's books demonstrate how loving feelings which prompt
loving acts often stem from acting on the willingness to truly listen
to and receive another person. While Nel Noddings examines many
contexts of caring, this month our newsletter continues our emphasis
on the development of caring between two people. Next month we will
expand our emphasis to the classroom as a whole.
We will draw upon her writings in her exquisite books...
"Caring, A Feminine Approach to Ethics and Moral Education" (University
of California Press © 1984) and "The Challenge to Care in Schools
- An Alternative Approach to Education" (Teacher's College Press
© 1992). The first seven quotes are from the initial chapter of
"Caring, A Feminine Approach..." and the final group of four is
taken from the second chapter of "The Challenge to Care..."
Teaching caring is not just telling you what I
want you to learn "We have to operate in an intuitive or receptive
mode that is somewhat mysterious, internal and non sequential...
a difficulty arises when we approach the teaching of morality or
ethical behavior from a rational-cognitive approach. We fail to
share with each other the feelings, the conflicts, the hopes and
ideas that influence our eventual choices. We share only the justification
for our acts and not what motivates and touches us." (p.7-8)
Caring involves desire, motivation, inclination
"I care for someone if I feel a stir of desire or inclination toward
him. In a related sense, I care for someone if I have regard for
his views and interests. If I am charged with the responsibility
for (ones's) physical welfare, I cannot claim to care ... if my
care taking is perfunctory or grudging." (p.9)
I look upon the other's reality as possibility
"Apprehending the other's reality, feeling what he feels as nearly
as possible, is the essential part of caring from the view of the
one-caring. For if I take on the other's reality as possibility
and begin to feel its reality, I feel, also, that I must act accordingly...
" (p.16)
A core element of caring is 'taking in' - receiving
the cared-for "Caring is largely reactive and responsive. Perhaps
it is even better characterized as receptive. The one-caring is
sufficiently engrossed in the other to listen to him and to take
pleasure or pain in what he recounts. Whatever she does for the
cared-for is embedded in a relationship that reveals itself as engrossment
and in an attitude that warms and comforts the cared-for." (p.19)
Genuinely caring can be a "magical" experience
"The one cared-for sees the concern, delight, or interest in the
eyes of the one-caring and feels her warmth in both verbal and body
language. To the cared-for no act in his behalf is quite as important
or influential as the attitude of the one caring. ... When the attitude
of the one-caring bespeaks caring, the cared-for glows, grows stronger,
and feels not so much that he has been given something as that something
has been added to him. And this "something" may be hard to specify.
Indeed... there is no need on either part to specify what sort of
transformation has taken place." (p 19-20)
Reciprocity" in caring - the impact of the cared
for on the carer " ... We are interested also in the unique
contribution of the cared-for to the relation. ... What exactly
does the cared-for give to the relation, or does he simply receive?
What responsibility does he have for the maintenance of the relation?
... How does he contribute to the construction of the ethical ideal
in the one-caring?" (p.20-21)
Caring and action " ... Our motivation in caring
is directed toward the welfare, protection, or enhancement of the
cared-for. When we care, we should, ideally, be able to present
reasons for our action / inaction which would persuade a reasonable,
disinterested observer that we have acted in behalf of the cared-for."
(p. 23)
These final quotes are from Nel Nodding's
"The Challenge to Care in Schools"
Moral education from the perspective of an ethic of
caring has four major components
"MODELING in caring is vital... we have to
show how to care in our relations with the cared for. We show them
how to care by creating caring relations with them. The capacity
to care may be dependent on adequate experience in being cared for..."
(p.22) "
DIALOGUE. is not just talk or conversation
- it is open ended - that is neither party knows at the outset what
the outcome or decision will be. It gives learners opportunities
to question why and helps both parties arrive at well-informed decisions."
(p.22-23) "
A third component of moral education is PRACTICE.
Attitudes and "mentalities" are shaped at least in part by experience...
the practice provided must be with people who can demonstrate caring
- for we do not want our children to learn skills of caring without
the characteristic attitude of caring." (p.23-25)
"The fourth component of moral education from the
perspective of caring is CONFIRMATION. Martin Buber (1965)
described confirmation as an act of affirming and encouraging the
best in others. When we confirm someone, we spot a better self and
encourage its development. We can do this only if we know the other
well enough to see what he or she is trying to become. ... It requires
attribution of the best possible motive consonant with reality.
When someone commits an act we find reprehensible, we ask ourselves
what might have motivated such an act. ... (When we see a child
cheating, we can open our dialogue by saying) "I know you were trying
to help your friend." Here (the teacher, carer) sees through the
smallness or meanness of my present behavior a self that is better
and a real possibility. Confirmation is a loving act founded on
a relation of some depth." (p.25-26).
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4. Social & Emotional Learning
Social & Emotional Learning - the words of educators Roger Weissberg,
Maurice Elias and Jonathan Cohen. From the January 2000 newsletter
Social and emotional learning is the term used by
many educators to explain how caring and competence come together
in education. What follows are some of the observations of three
leading educational psychologists. Dr. Roger Weissberg is the Executive
Director of the Collaborative for Social and Emotional Learning,
based at the University of Illinois at Chicago. Dr. Maurice Elias
teaches at Rutgers University and is the co-developer of the Social
Decision Making and Problem Solving Project. Dr. Joel Cohen is the
Director for the Project for Social and Emotional Learning which
is based at Teachers College, Columbia University.
Dr. Roger Weissberg ... I asked Dr. Weissberg - can
you simply explain and differentiate... Social learning and Emotional
learning.? His response > > > Social has to do mostly with interpersonal
interactions and effectiveness in dealing with others. Goleman includes
social skills in his definition of emotional intelligence. Others
of us have focused for years on social competence promotion which
teaches children to coordinate cognition, affect and behavior effectively.
Emotional learning focuses more on issues of self- awareness, self-managment,
and empathy. The two are overlapping constructs for most. You can
find more information on Dr. Weissberg's project at
http://www.casel.org.
Dr. Maurice Elias provides a definition of social
and emotional learning in his book, "Promoting Social and Emotional
Learning, Guidelines for Educators." Published by ASCD - The association
for Supervision and Curriculum Development. > > > "Building Social
and Emotional learning takes "preparing our children to become knowledgeable,
responsible, caring adults. ... For children to become knowledgeable,
they must be ready and motivated to learn, and capable of integrating
new information into their lives. For children to become responsible,
they must be able to understand risks and opportunities,, and be
motivated to choose actions and behaviors that serve not only their
own interest but those of others. For children to become caring,
they must be able to see beyond themselves and appreciate the concerns
of others; they must believe that to care is to be part of a community
that is welcome, nurturing and concerned about them. ... each element
of this challenge can be enhanced by thoughtful, sustained, and
systematic attention to children's social and emotional learning
(SEL) - (page 1). You can learn more about the Social Decision Making
and Problem Solving Program that Dr. Elias is involved with my viewing
their web site ... http://www2.umdnj.edu/spsweb/research.htm
Dr. Jonathan Cohen writes the following in a book
he edited, "Educating Minds and Hearts ... Social Emotional Learning
and the Passage into Adolescence" Teachers College Press. > > >
"I would say that self-reflective capacities on the one hand and
the ability to recognize what others are thinking and feeling on
the other provide the foundation for children to understand, manage
and express social and emotional aspects of life." ... "Social and
emotional competencies allow us to modulate emotions, to solve social
problems creatively, to be effective leaders or collaborators, to
be assertive and respon- sible, or to be able to ask evocative emotional
and/or social questions that lead to new learning. Building on work
undertaken by the Northeast Foundation for Children, Dr. Stephen
N. Elliott has identified five key dimensions that represent core
attitudes and skills: cooperation , assertion, responsibility, empathy,
and self-control (CARES). These dimensions overlap with what Goleman
(1995) has defined as the five core facets of "emotional literacy,"
self-awareness, the ability to handle emotions, self- motivation,
empathic capacities and social skills. Social and emotional learning
is the process through which we develop the skills and attitudes
necessary to acquire social and emotional competencies (page 11,
12) ." The web site for his project is
http://www.tc.columbia.edu/academic/psel/
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5. Using Emotional Intelligence -
from the works of Peter Salovey and
his associates - Jack Mayer and David Caruso (January
2001)
This article is in three sections ...
Introduction (Part 1 of 3)
Explanation of Emotional Intelligence model (part 2 of 3)
Recommendation of resources from Peter Salovey (part 3 of 3)
Part 1
Introduction
I would like to introduce to our website the works regarding emotional
intelligence of Peter Salovey and his associates. I had the good
fortune to hear Dr. Salovey speak at the “Six Seconds - Nexus
Conference” in San Francisco in May 2000. He spoke to help
explain and express the importance of emotional intelligence.
Dr. Salovey is considered one of the pioneers in understanding and
explaining emotional intelligence. In his words - “Emotional
intelligence refers to the ability to process emotion-laden information
competently and to use it to guide cognitive activities like problem-solving
and to focus energy on required behaviors. The term suggested to
some that there might be other ways of being intelligent than those
emphasized by standard IQ tests, that one might be able to develop
these abilities, and that an emotional intelligence could be an
important predictor of success in personal relationships, family
functioning, and the workplace.”
This prior quote and the other quotes and paraphrases used from
his works are taken from a paper he has recently updated (May 2000)
titled “The Positive Psychology of Emotional Intelligence.”
He wrote this work along with John D. Mayer from the University
of New Hampshire and David Caruso who is associated with Work-Life
Strategies. In this paper Dr. Salovey traces the varying perceptions
people have had regarding the influence and importance of “emotions”
in bringing insight and wisdom. In this section, he brings to our
attention an increasing academic awareness of the importance of
emotions that has occurred in the last forty years ...
“Although narrow, analytically-focused definitions of intelligence
predominated much of this century, following Cronbach's (1960) often
cited conclusion that a social intelligence was unlikely to be defined
and had not been measured, cracks in the analytic intelligence edifice
began to appear in the 1980s. For example, Sternberg (1985) challenged
mental abilities researchers to pay more attention to creative and
practical aspects of intelligence, and Gardner (1983/1993) even
defined an intrapersonal intelligence that concerns access to one's
feeling life, the capacity to represent feelings, and the ability
to draw upon them as a means of understanding and guide for behavior.”
It is my understanding that Daniel Goleman’s influential book
“Emotional Intelligence,” written in 1995, draws many
of its implications for educational programs and other applications
from a model of emotional intelligence that was developed by Dr.
Salovey and Dr. Mayer in 1990.
Part 2
Explanation of Emotional Intelligence model
Below I share with you an outline of Dr. Salovey and Mayer’s
updated model of Emotional Intelligence written in 1997. I will
insert between sections of the model outline, explanatory excerpts
from their paper “The Positive Psychology of Emotional Intelligence.”
The Four Branch Model of Emotional Intelligence (after Mayer
& Salovey, 1997)
Branch 1
Emotional Perception and Expression
' Ability to identify emotion in one's physical and psychological
states.
' Ability to identify emotion in other people.
' Ability to express emotions accurately and to express needs related
to them.
' Ability to discriminate between accurate/honest and inaccurate/dishonest
feelings.
"Emotional intelligence is impossible without the competencies
involved in this first
branch. If each time unpleasant feelings emerged, people turned
their attentions away, they would learn very little about feelings.
Emotional perception involves registering, attending to, and deciphering
emotional messages as they are expressed in facial expressions,
voice tone, or cultural artifacts. A person who sees the fleeting
expression of fear in the face of another understands much more
about that other's emotions and thoughts than someone who misses
such a signal."
Branch 2
Emotional Facilitation of Thought (Using Emotional Intelligence)
' Ability to redirect and prioritize thinking on the basis of associated
feelings.
' Ability to generate emotions to facilitate judgment and memory.
' Ability to capitalize on mood changes to appreciate multiple points
of view.
' Ability to use emotional states to facilitate problem-solving
and creativity.
"Branch 2 - focuses on how emotion affects the cognitive system
and, as such, can be harnessed for more effective problem-solving,
reasoning, decision-making, and creative endeavors. Of course, cognition
can be disrupted by emotions, such as anxiety and fear, but emotions
also can prioritize the cognitive system to attend to what is important.
... Emotions also change cognitions, making them positive when a
person is happy, and negative when the person is sad. These changes
force the cognitive system to view things from different perspectives,
e.g., alternating between skeptical and accepting. The advantage
of such alterations to thought are fairly apparent. When one's point
of view shifts between skeptical and accepting, the individual can
appreciate multiple vantage points and, as a consequence, think
about a problem more deeply and creatively."
Branch 3
Emotional Understanding
' Ability to understand relationships among various emotions.
' Ability to perceive the causes and consequences of emotions.
' Ability to understand complex feelings, emotional blends, and
contradictory states.
' Ability to understand transitions among emotions.
"The most fundamental competency at this level - Branch 3 -
concerns the ability to label emotions with words and to recognize
the relationships among [examples] of the affective lexicon. The
emotionally intelligent individual is able to recognize that the
terms used to describe emotions are arranged into families and that
groups of emotion terms form fuzzy sets. Perhaps more importantly,
the relations among these terms are deduced - that annoyance and
irritation can lead to rage if the provocative stimulus is not eliminated,
or that envy often is experienced in contexts that also evoke jealousy.
The person who is able to understand emotions - their meanings,
how they blend together, how they progress over time - is truly
blessed with the capacity to understand important aspects of human
nature and interpersonal relationships."
Branch 4
Emotional Management
' Ability to be open to feelings, both pleasant and unpleasant.
' Ability to monitor and reflect on emotions.
' Ability to engage, prolong, or detach from an emotional state.
' Ability to manage emotions in oneself.
' Ability to manage emotions in others.
"Partly as a consequence of various popularizations, and partly
as a consequence of societal pressures to regulate emotions, many
people primarily identify emotional intelligence with its fourth
branch, Emotional Management (sometimes referred to as Emotional
Regulation). They hope emotional intelligence will be a way of getting
rid of troublesome emotions or emotional leakages into human relations,
and rather, hope to control emotions. Although this is one possible
outcome of the fourth branch, optimal levels of emotional regulation
may be moderate ones; attempts to minimize or eliminate emotion
completely may stifle emotional intelligence. Similarly, the regulation
of emotion in other people is less likely to involve the suppressing
of others' emotions but rather the harnessing of them, as when a
persuasive speaker is said to "move" his or her audience."
"Individuals use a broad range of techniques to regulate their
moods. (Some) believe that physical exercise is the single most
effective strategy for changing a bad mood, among those under one's
own control. Other commonly reported mood regulation strategies
include listening to music, social interaction, and cognitive self-management
(e.g., giving oneself a "pep talk"). Pleasant distractions
(errands, hobbies, fun activities, shopping, reading, and writing)
also are effective. Less effective (and, at times, counterproductive)
strategies include passive mood management (e.g., television viewing,
caffeine, food, and sleep), direct tension reduction (e.g., drugs,
alcohol, and sex), spending time alone, and avoiding the person
or thing that caused a bad mood."
"In general, the most successful regulation methods involve
expenditure of energy; active mood management techniques that combine
relaxation, stress management, cognitive effort, and exercise may
be the most effective strategies for changing bad moods. Central
to emotional self-regulation is the ability to reflect upon and
manage one's emotions; emotional disclosure provides one means of
doing so. (Some studies have) studied the effects of disclosure
extensively and find that the act of disclosing emotional experiences
in writing improves individuals' subsequent physical and mental
health."
In my own study of the caring process, I find it very interesting
and worthwhile to have access to Peter Salovey and John Mayer's
model. Emotional Intelligence and caring certainly go hand in hand.
In the next issue of our website newsletter, we will explore more
how what we are learning in emotional intelligence, positive psychology,
social and emotional learning, character education, conflict resolution,
etc. ... all somehow fit together in a way that is understandable
and useful. Peter Salovey and his associates call for persons to
look at this field and find ways to design and measure empirical
date in order to advance the use of emotional intelligence. I for
one would love to hear from fellow teachers who wish to do more
work in this area as well. Marty Kirschen
Part 3
Recommendation of resources from Peter Salovey
Here are two books that Peter Salovey recommends ... Gottman, J.,
& DeClaire, J. (1997). The Heart of Parenting: Raising an
Emotionally Intelligent Child.
New York: Simon and Schuster.
Salovey, P., & Sluyter, D. J. (1997). Emotional Development
and Emotional Intelligence. New York: Basic Books. This book
has chapters relevant for students from elementary to high school.
Each is followed by a commentary from a teacher concerning the educational
implications of the research reported in the chapter.
Dr. Salovey also points out the work of the following individuals
or organizations. By doing general internet searches you would be
able to learn more about these resources.
Maurice Elias,
Thomas Lickona,
Self Science,
Social Development Curriculum in the Connecticut Pubic Schools,
Resolving Conflict Creatively Program (RCCP) that began in New York
Public Schools
Interventions in the workplace
Weatherhead MBA program at Case Western Reserve University,
Emotional competency training program at American Express
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6. "Positive Pschology - Learned Hopefullness"
Martin Seligman and his colleagues (May 2000)
Martin Seligman is a leader in the area of developing and promoting
positive
psychology. I recently heard him speak at the Six Seconds
Nexus Conference
on Emotional Intelligence (http://www.6seconds.org).
He poignantly shared
how in psychology, too often we emphsize healing wounds - helping
someone go
from a minus 5 to a minus 2 or plus 3. What we need to do
is find a way to
help a person - a child - move from a plus 2 to a plus 5.
In other words, find what
is already positive or a strength in the child and help him or her
build on that.
The following are three short excerpts from websites associated
with Dr.
Seligman's work in this area. I hope you find enjoyment as
you read and potentially
explore. Two of the excerpts are Dr. Seligman's words. The
third is written about him
by Patrick Mcguire, a writer for the American Psychological Association
Monitor
Journal.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Modern psychology has been co-opted by the disease model.
We've become too preoccupied with repairing damage when
our focus should be on building strength and resilience,
especially in children.
-- Martin E. P. Seligman, PhD, Past President
http://www.apa.org/releases/positivepsy.html
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Building human strength: psychology's forgotten mission
Before World War II, psychology had three missions: curing mental
illness, making the lives of all people more fulfilling, and identifying
and nurturing high talent. After the war, two events changed the
face of
psychology. In 1946, the Veterans Administration was created, and
practicing psychologists found they could make a living treating
mental
illness. In 1947, the National Institute of Mental Health was created,
and academic psychologists discovered they could get grants for
research
on mental illness.
As a result, we have made huge strides in the understanding of and
therapy for mental illness. At least 10 disorders, previously
intractable, have yielded up their secrets and can now be cured
or
considerably relieved. Even better, millions of people have had
their
troubles relieved by psychologists.
Our neglected missions
But the downside was that the other two fundamental missions of
psychology-making the lives of all people better and nurturing
"genius"-were all but forgotten.
We became a victimology. Human beings were seen as passive foci:
Stimuli
came on and elicited "responses," or external "reinforcements"
weakened
or strengthened "responses," or conflicts from childhood
pushed the
human being around. Viewing the human being as essentially passive,
psychologists treated mental illness within a theoretical framework
of
repairing damaged habits, damaged drives, damaged childhoods and
damaged
brains.
By Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD American Psychological Association
President
VOLUME 29, NUMBER 1 - January 1998
http://www.apa.org/monitor/jan98/pres.html
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seligman touts the art of arguing with yourself
The link between pessimism and depression begins in the way
we talk to our inner selves. It won't be drugs like Prozac,
nor
will it be widespread psychotherapy sessions that alter the
epidemic of depression now affecting young people, warned
American Psychological Association President Martin E.P.
Seligman, PhD, at the 1998 Annual Convention in San Francisco.
Rather, he said, at a Psi Chi sponsored lecture on 'Prevention of
depression and positive psychology,' it will require psychologists
to
teach people how to take advantage of a simple skill they all have
but
tend to use incorrectly.
'It's called disputing,' said Seligman-the act of 'monitoring and
then
arguing against the catastrophic things that you say to yourself.'
Those internal conversations, he said, revolve around 'explanatory
styles' that we commonly adopt when bad things happen to us. Our
particular explanatory style, he said, is clearly linked to our
susceptibility to pessimism and, therefore, to depression. Learning
how to internally dispute negative reactions, he said, is a critical
step
toward avoiding depression.
'The rates of depression and pessimism among young people and
middle-aged adults have never been higher,' he said. 'The mean age
of
onset has gone from 30 to 15. It's no longer a middle-aged housewife's
disorder. It's a teen-ager's disorder.'
By Patrick A. McGuire, Monitor staff
http://www.apa.org/monitor/oct98/talk.html
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“Ripples in my pond” - caring close to home ~ (August
1999 newsletter)
This section is meant for you to change or paste over. If you would
like to share caring resources and events in your region with others
in your locale please feel free to do so. Then you can forward the
entire newsletter to others with your insert included. Since I live
in
Southern California I will list some resources in my region.
> “Start where you are.... if you can’t love the Viceroy,
or Sir
> Winston Churchill, start with your wife, or your husband or
> your children. Try to put their welfare first and your own
> last every minute of the day, and let the circle of your love
> expand from there. As long as you are trying your very best,
> there can be no question of failure.
Mohandas Gandhi
from biography Gandhi The Man written by Eknath Easwaran.
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Receiving children's caring towards us - Diane Lightbody
(August 1999 newsletter)
Further, just as we show our caring ways to children, they show
us as well.
> “Instead of thinking that we just need to be conscious
of modeling
> kindness and caring to children, we have to be open to receiving
> and acknowledging children’s expressions of caring towards
us.”
Diane Lightbody Dlight1046@aol.com
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Integrity of the teacher - Parker Palmer (August
1999 newsletter)
Of course the most basic caring relationship is our being in touch
with who we are as individuals and as teachers.
> “Good teaching cannot be reduced to technique; good teaching
comes
> from the identity and integrity of the teacher. In every class
I teach,
> my ability to connect with my students and to connect them
with
> the subject, depends less on the methods I use than on the
degree
> to which I know and trust my self hood– and am willing
to make
> it available and vulnerable in the service of learning.”
Parker J. Palmer, author of The Courage to Teach.
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10.
Loving ways in the inner city - Peter McLaren
(from October 1999)
CARING WAYS ... Peter McLaren’s loving ways in Inner City
Toronto
Peter McLaren, author and Education Professor at UCLA
writes poignantly and powerfully of his teaching experiences
in inner city Toronto in “Life in Schools” (Addison Wesley
Longman, Inc. © 1998). Tying into our theme of the “Heart
of
Caring,” I offer three selections of quotes. The first two
contain
his fond remembrances of his principal, Jim Montgomerie who
went by “Fred.” He was a man who practiced the art of
loving
and accepting. The final selection is a direct quote of Dr. McLaren
on the importance of accepting another from the perspective of
their reality.
The heart of caring from “Fred” (Jim Montgomerie)
“This is the real world.” He leaned over the desk.
“I have only one criterion for hiring new teachers. Every
kid in this school, and I mean each one, has the right to be
loved. No matter how difficult the kid is, no matter how he
or she drives you batty from the very first day... give them
all the love and affection you can. When it feels too impossible,
come and see me and we’ll talk. All right, Peter? Now good
luck,
and we’ll see you in the morning.” (p.39)
“Teachers have to understand about the prejudices they
bring to their job. Somehow, they have to respect the kids’
own values, and where the kid is at. We can impose our values
on them, but that implies their values aren’t any good. That
would be destructive ... The way you reach a poor kid who’s
doing badly at school is not by concentrating on arithmetic,
but by getting something going with him or her that tells them
that you care about them as people. Forget about the curriculum,
at least for the time being. Reach your kids through feelings.”...
(p.102)
Accepting students for who they are from Peter McLaren
“How do we treat the knowledge that working-class
students bring to class discussions and schoolwork? Do
we unwittingly devalue such knowledge and thereby disconfirm
the voices of these students. Knowledge should be examined
not only for the ways in which it might misrepresent or
mediate social reality, but also for the ways in which it actually
reflects the daily struggle of people’s lives. We must understand
that knowledge not only distorts reality, but also provides grounds
for understanding the actual conditions that inform every day life.
Teachers should examine knowledge ... for the way it provides a
deeper understanding of how the student’s world is actually
constructed. School knowledge should help create the conditions
productive for student self-determination in the larger society.”
(p.186)
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10. Irritating Listening Habits
Do you ever find yourself falling into any of these habits?
1. Interrupting the speaker.
2. Not looking at the speaker.
3. Rushing the speaker and making him feel that he's wasting the
listener's time.
4. Showing interest in something other than the conversation.
5. Getting ahead of the speaker and finishing her thoughts.
6. Not responding to the speaker's requests.
7. Saying, "Yes, but . . .," as if the listener has made up his
mind.
8. Topping the speaker's story with "That reminds me. . ." or "That's
nothing, let me tell you about. . ."
9. Forgetting what was talked about previously.
10. Asking too many questions about details. --
Larry Barker & Kittie Watson, from their book "Listen Up"
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“ It is ok to struggle regarding the caring actions we make.”
In the following excerpt from “Caring, A Femine approach
to ethics and
Moral Education,” (page 52) Nel Noddings writes about the struggle
that
is often involved in deciding “what to do.” While there
is struggle regarding
the action to take, you will see from her writing, that there need
be very little
struggle and indeed a certain clarity in how one approaches this.
In a very common - and sometimes deceptively simple - dilemma, we
fall into
conflict over the needs or wants of two different persons for whom
we care.
Consider Ms. Brown, who has promised to attend the symphony with
her
husband, and then their child comes down with an illness. Sometimes
the
decision is easy:the child is obviously too ill to leave, or the
child is hardly
ill at all and happily engaged in some activity. But often the dilemma
is real,
and we struggle with it. There is fever and while there is no clear
danger, the
child keeps asking, “Mother, must you go?” The solution
to this sort of conflict
cannot be codified. Slogans such as “Put your husband (child)
first!” are quite
useless. There are times when he must come first; and there are
times when he cannot.
Is this a “moral” problem? In the important sense that
it involves the needs and
wants of others in relation or in conflict with our own, it certainly
is and, without
doubt, it is a problem of caring. When Ms. Brown looks at her child,
she feels the
immediate impulse to stay at home. The “I must” tells
her to respond to the child’s
expressed need. When she looks at her husband and listens to him,
she adds thinking to feeling: she, too, hates to miss the evening and “waste
the tickets.” She sees disappointment in his eyes and wants to respond to that. There is
no probability calculus that will solve this problem for her. After analysis and argument,
and perhaps a period of watchfulness to see if the child’s anxiety eases, she has to
decide. When she decides, if she cares, she decides not by formula, nor by a process of strict
“rational decision making.”
There is, as we have noted before, a turning point. She turns away
from the abstract formulation of the problem and looks again at the persons for whom
she cares. Perhaps her child is still anxious and irritable; she receives his pain
clearly. Perhaps her husband is merely annoyed, not hurt; perhaps, at some deeper level, he too
wants only support for his best self. If she sees this, having received both persons, she
decides to stay with the child.
If the child is sound asleep one-half hour after the decision
- her decision is not
thereby proved wrong, for this is not the sort of decision that
can properly be labeled “right” or “wrong” according to the outcome.
It is right or wrong according to how faithfully it was rooted in caring - that is, in a genuine response
to the perceived needs of others.
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