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1. Self - help from August 1999 issue
I would now like to direct you to resource which address a process
used in the Quaker Church, the clearness committee.
This is a group of four or five persons who come together with the
intention of helping a group member. Let's say, the difficulty
is handling outbursts by a child in the classroom. A key to
the committee's success is that after learning what happened, hearing
background information and
understanding had been done so far... the committee comes together...
> "Usually we have the ability to figure things out
on our own - to
> become more clear about our worries and concerns over
time. We
> really don't need sympathy or advice from others.
But what we do
> need are good, honest and direct questions that cause
us to reflect
> on the situation differently. Clarity is what we
need."...
> Parker Palmer - "Educational Leadership Dec
98/Jan 99 issue
> "The Spirit of Education" ... from an article
written by David
> Hagstrom - "Seeking Clarity about Crisis."
David Hagstrom, an associate professor at Lewis and Clark College
will share his experiences with the clearness committee in a future
issue. If you would like to learn more about this concept
you can
refer to resources listed in our addendum.
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2. Self-help from September 1999 issue
"Caring
that goes around comes around"- a tool
I would like to share with you a 'self-help question and answer
tool' that I am developing to help me improve my classroom
care building skills. I use these questions as a way to reflect
at
the end of the day on something that happened during the day
that I want to work on. In this case it was how I responded
to
a child in distress. I realize that while I pose certain questions
in a certain order below, different situations may call for differing
questions of reflection.
I do believe however that there often is a a common sequence
of steps that takes place in many differing caring transactions.
By
identifying and studying these happenings, we can come to better
understand as well as deal with situations that call for caring.
I call
the tool "Caring that goes around comes around."
The more we
are caring, the more caring we become and the more caring the
children become as well. This "work in progress"
of a year ago
was written after reading books by Milton Mayeroff and Nel
Noddings.
Here is the self-help tool that can be used for reflection...
FIRST STAGE - AWARENESS ...my attitude,
how I look to help and what I notice
. My inner attitude at the start...
Did I feel - caringly or not towards myself or others? Was
I at peace, friendly, non judgmental - or not - to myself
and others?
. Look to notice in the room...
Was I taking in through all my senses and I looking for signs
of needing help - watching for trigger situations?
. Notice a child's needs...
Was there an incident brewing regarding a child that drew my
attention?
SECOND STAGE - ATTENTION... how I respond
then try to understand the child from their eyes
. Respond and help calm everyone down...
In intervening did I calm a surge of emotion - anger, upset, pity
that I felt inside of me? Did I help the child as well
with his or her similar surge of emotion?
. Listen and build empathy...
Did I bring my full attention to hearing the child's story
through his or her eyes? Did I attempt to drop or suspend
my
judgments? Did I listening patiently, not leading the story?
. Acknowledge the child's view...
Did I summarize understanding.? Did I validate the child's
feelings
associated with what has happened?
THIRD STAGE - AFFIRMATION... we find and express good
about what we find in the child
. Seek the good...
Did I look for something positive in what the child intended to
do?
. Express the good...
Did I tell the child that I noticed the positive element in what
the
child did or was trying to do?
. Let sink in...
Did I allow time for a positive judgment to sink in? Did I
notice
how the child responded to my expression to him or her?
FOURTH STAGE - ACTION... we help the child act
and become more self-reliant in the future
. Think how to facilitate self-help by child...
Did I help the child to better help him or herself ? Did I
consider tools that helped him or her choose?
. Prompt the child to think...
Did I help her by brainstorming alternatives, do role
playing, modeling, examining impact, feelings, etc.?
. Help the child make a choice...
Did I involve the child in the decision. Did I help
the child to understand that we learn from what
we do, whether it works out for now or not?
After this process, I feel good realizing that my increased
caring skills will benefit myself as well as the child
in the future.
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While I show a certain sequence
of steps used in a situation,
research and experience reveals that there can be many approaches
and scopes to the caring we do ... anywhere from a kind thought
-
to a lifelong relationship.
The key is that the caring that we do has
a cumulative and reinforcing quality to it.
Caring acts bring good feelings, which inspire more caring
acts.
Indeed - "Caring that goes around does come around."
A Visual work of feelings, ideas and movement by Marty Kirschen
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If you would like a more extensive email version of this tool,
that shows how I wrote about an actual incident that occurred
(identities changed) email me and let me know. If you would
like
a "visual diagram" version as well, please send me a self
addressed
stamped envelope instead (addresses follow the table of contents).
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3. Self-help from October 1999 issue
"Bob
Strachota shows us how to get "On Their Side."
Bob Strachota is a teacher associated with the Northeast
Foundation For Children. It is an organization whose major
emphasis is to build caring hand in hand with academic competence.
In his excellent book, Strachota identifies ways that teachers can
get
"On Their Side" (Northeast Foundation for Children
© 1996),
particularly at moments when feelings of annoyance may be
present
towards a child. I will put into caps the core subject of
each
point to make this an easier referral guide.
>> 1) "The first thing that I always try to do
to get myself
beyond my irritation when a child is being rude or sneaky or
aggressive or manipulative is to WONDER WHY THE ANNOYING
BEHAVIOR MIGHT BE HAPPENING so that I can develop a productive
way of relating to the child around the issue." (p.67)...
>> 2) "One of the most powerful levers for helping
me understand
and ALLY WITH A DIFFICULT CHILD IS TO STUDY HER ...
several times a week I observe a child or a group of children; I
record what I see and hear ... this effort to watch and listen
to a
child so closely almost always moves me to care more about them
and their struggles, just from the sheer intimacy of the effort."
(p.68-69)
>> 3) ... "To get on the side of a child who is
annoying me
is to stay alert for ways that THE CHILD MIGHT REVEAL OTHER
SIDES OF HERSELF" ...(p.69-70)
>> 4) "A CONVERSATION WITH A COLLEAGUE is
often very useful in freeing up my thinking when I am stuck
about how to proceed with a difficult child. Sometimes my
peers offer a valuable perspective that I hadn't considered."
(p.70-71)
>> 5) "One of the most powerful ways to understand
and
ally with children is to APPRECIATE, ENCOURAGE AND
ENJOY THEM." (p.71)
>> 6) "It helps me get out of ruts with children to be
able to
FIGURE OUT WHICH PERSONALITIES RUB ME THE WRONG
WAY." (p.74)
>> 7) "I have found that one of the best ways to avoid
these
power struggles is to ask myself IN WHAT WAYS I HAVE
THE TRAIT THAT IS BOTHERING ME. In what situations
do I talk out during meetings." (p.74).
>> 8) "I have to KEEP A WATCH ON MY MOODS, NEEDS,
BIASES, WEAKNESSES AND LIMITS in order to see how
they are affecting my work. ... I know the difference when
I sound
tense, short, angry, controlling, hurried, etc. As I teach
I try to
listen to myself and when I hear the harsh, stiff or rushed tone
or words creeping in, I take note and try to figure out why I am
talking that way." (p.75)
Along with the words of seeing the good in others that are in
this issue from Nel Noddings, Martin Buber and Bob Strachota ...
I want to add a very poignant phrase that Stephen and Ondria
Levine share in their book "Embracing the Beloved."
When
there is nothing good we can easily find to say about one,
we can always say "He (or she) isn't where he (or she) can
be yet."
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4. Self - help from January 2000 issue
Recovery.Inc. helps
us deal with fear and anger
The wise ways of Dr. Abraham Low can work for teachers.
I want to share with you the approach of Recovery Inc., a self help
group that helps a person who is experiencing difficulties in coping
with anxiety and anger. While the example given below is drawn
from a meeting that may be held in any community, the approach
can also be used by teachers coming together in a fellow teacher's
home or at a grade level meeting in school. It is also possible
to use
the method in a much smaller context, such as in conversation with
another teacher or ... be self administered.
Recovery, Inc., was developed by Dr. Low in the 1930's to help
patients who were dealing with "nervous" symptoms and
fears.
Recovery meetings are held throughout the United States and world-
wide. There are no fees or dues and the meeting is facilitated
by a
fellow attendee who has had training in the Recovery method.
The approach is basically four steps, each regarding a "trivial"
event
of recent occurrence. To better explain the method,
I will use an
illustration. Sitting around a table, are a half dozen
peers a
facilitator and me - who is seeking help regarding an incident that
happened recently in class. We sit around a table.
Step one... The facilitator asks me, "What
was the incident
that got you worked up?" >>> I explain the story
up to the point
that I started to get "worked up." Yesterday, while
I was introducing
a lesson, I noticed George was fidgeting in his seat. A few
moments
later I saw him roll up a piece of paper and then throw it across
the
room. At that time I got worked up.
Step two... The facilitator asks me, "What
were your
physical symptoms, and did you have any racing (negative or nervous)
thoughts? >>> Remembering the event I reply, "I
started to feel
sweaty, there was a sensation of shortness of breath, and I started
to have thoughts race through my head. I was saying to myself,
'There goes George again, not able to cooperate in the classroom.
And here I go again, not getting his respect and not sure how to
handle
the situation."
Step Three. The facilitator Asks me "What
did you do to help
yourself calm down and better deal with the situation."
First describe
what was going on inside you and then you can say what you did.
>>> First I say to myself - 'Marty, you know that George
is often
this way, so don't be shocked about it!' I also tell myself
that 'this
incident is not worth upsetting my mental well being' over.
I also
tell myself that 'it will not be beneficial, if I respond to him
in a
hostile manner.' I then immediately planned to walk over to
George,
look at him, and tell him to stop."
Step Four. The final query from The facilitator,
"In former
years, before you thought of your list of self affirmations and
potential action plans, how would you have handled the situation,
Marty?" >>> I say that I would have glared at
George and yelled
across the room "Stop that immediately." Guilt would
have set in
surrounding my disrespectful reply." On the way
home from school,
I might have stopped off and bought a pint of my favorite ice cream
and downed it.
After going through the four steps, Our facilitator
then
recognizes each of the other persons - some of whom are teachers,
and solicits supportive comments on the incident I had just related.
In some cases, someone may reiterate what I had previously said.
such as... I notice that Marty planned, decided and acted in a calm
manner. In other cases, a teacher will offer an observation
that
would be helpful for me to hear such as... Marty has the
opportunity to endorse himself for acting calmly. During this
portion of the discussion, I sit and listen.
This approach is very much contained in the 'here
and now'
and can be likened to the Quaker Clearness Committee (which we
discussed in our initial issue of "Teaching From Our Hearts")
. That
process is one where fellow members of the self-help group ask the
focal person 'clarifying' questions in an effort to help him or
her
reach a resolution to the problem being faced. In Recovery, the
approach emphasizes self-reflection with insights offered by peers.
Both are valid, yet different approaches to help a person to
experience their own feelings and then move on in a way that
is caring.
If you would like to learn more about Recovery Inc., their web site
is
<http://www.recovery-inc.com/recover.html
> The organizational
headquarters, located in Chicago, can be reached by telephone at
312-337-5661. Local listings can also be found in your telephone
directory. Needless to say, I would also be glad to answer
any
questions you might have about this self-help approach. About
seven years ago, I was dealing with difficulties and I learned about
Recovery, Inc.. I can say that their approach has helped transform
my existence into a more meaningful, competent, and happy one.
/ / / / / / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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5/ Pacing the day with rigor, rhythm and relaxation
from “Time to Teach, Time to Learn,” by Chip Wood
Chip Wood, teacher, author and co-founder of the Northeast
Foundation for Children has written a fine book ... Time to teach,
Time to Learn.” in which he offers many insights on “changing
the pace of school.”
He champions bringing balance to a school day - recognizing the
need
for rigorous academic activities on the one hand and such other
endeavors as recreation, reflection and relaxation on the other.
I draw
from his work by conveniently fining many uses of the “R”
words
beyond reading, writing, and rithmetic. These can serve as a checklist
to help a teacher better take care of him or herself and and the
students.
While each term has its own definition ... there is some overlap.
For
purposes of this paper we will draw on three “R’s”
of ---- Rigor,
Rhythm, and Relaxation.
Rigor ...
“To enrich and improve students basic skills and raise general
academic standards in the future, rigorous techniques and expectations
must be applied. As we saw ... students who spend time on fewer
ideas and concepts but study them in greater depth, show significantly
higher achievement than those who cover a broad spectrum of
knowledge superficially. ... To create such classrooms, teachers
need
to be rigorous in their preparation and in their instruction..”
(page 267, 268)
Am I being rigorous in preparing and doing my instruction?
Rhythm ...
“... Sylvia Ashton Warner decided ... rather than try to dampen
and
control ... natural enthusiasm, she chose to harness and guide it.
She
lists her her daily schedule with the title ‘Daily Rhythm’
which
consisted of alternating sections described as a time to ‘breathe
out’
and ‘breathe in’ Her unerring sense was that children
needed a variety
of activities during a day. ... They can only breathe in new information
for so long before they must breathe out and release the tension
through
some change of focus and attention, whether it is in accepted or
disapproved activity.” (page 45)
Am I bringing the children activities with a variety of pacing
each day?
“There are times for breathing in through concentrated attention
to
number activity, precision drawing ... by listening to the teacher
read
a story or give a spelling test. There are times for breathing out
-
outside on the playground each day, breathing fresh air. ... by
resting
or daydreaming for a few moments of enforced silence.” (page
137)
“... developmental process, academic and social cognition occurs
and
grows through constant re-creation. ... This re-creative energy
is what is
needed in school to create the best learning environment and outcomes
for children and teachers. Recreation in the school day then, is
much
more than recess, although recess is essential recreation. Recreation
also includes the quiet time in the middle of the day, and the singing
and dancing .” (p 269, 270)
Am I providing opportunites to re-create by bringing in relaxation
and
recreation?
Reflection ...
“Taking time to remember, consider, reconsider, sift and tell
others
about our experiences ... Children tend to go from one thing to
the next
without much conscious reflection because they live predominantly
in the present.” (p. 270, 271)
Are we taking time to reflect on a lesson or the experiences
of the day?
“Every teacher today has taught right up to the last minute
of class.
Perhaps this is considered ‘time on task’ or ‘covering
the curriculum,’
but there is little sense of closure in any class and no opportunity
taken for review or reflection. I missed the questions I value most:
What worked? What could we do better tomorrow ...” (p. 104).
Are we asking the question ... what worked, what might change?
Chip Wood’s book is full of many ways that the above ‘R’s
may be
employed for the benefit of teachers and students alike. As important
as his ideas are, what I value most is the gift he has given us
teachers
to be able to ask ourselves questions to help ourselves bring more
competence and devotion into our lives and those of our children.
“Time to Teach, Time to Learn,”
by Chip Wood, NEFC
http://www.responsiveclassroom.org/
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6. Positive Psychology, talking to yourself positively May
2000
The works of Martin Seligman and his associates
Martin Seligman is a leader in the area of developing and promoting
positive
psychology. I recently heard him speak at the Six Seconds
Nexus Conference
on Emotional Intelligence (http://www.6seconds.org).
He poignantly shared
how in psychology, too often we emphsize healing wounds - helping
someone go
from a minus 5 to a minus 2 or plus 3. What we need to do
is find a way to
help a person - a child - move from a plus 2 to a plus 5.
In other words, find what
is already positive or a strength in the child and help him or her
build on that.
The following are three short excerpts from websites associated
with Dr.
Seligman's work in this area. I hope you find enjoyment as
you read and potentially
explore. Two of the excerpts are Dr. Seligman's words. The
third is written about him
by Patrick Mcguire, a writer for the American Psychological Association
Monitor
Journal.
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"Modern psychology has been co-opted by the disease model.
We've become too preoccupied with repairing damage when
our focus should be on building strength and resilience,
especially in children.
-- Martin E. P. Seligman, PhD, Past President
http://www.apa.org/releases/positivepsy.html
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Building human strength:
psychology's forgotten mission
Before World War II, psychology had three missions: curing mental
illness, making the lives of all people more fulfilling, and identifying
and nurturing high talent. After the war, two events changed the
face of
psychology. In 1946, the Veterans Administration was created, and
practicing psychologists found they could make a living treating
mental
illness. In 1947, the National Institute of Mental Health was created,
and academic psychologists discovered they could get grants for
research
on mental illness.
As a result, we have made huge strides in the understanding of and
therapy for mental illness. At least 10 disorders, previously
intractable, have yielded up their secrets and can now be cured
or
considerably relieved. Even better, millions of people have had
their
troubles relieved by psychologists.
Our neglected missions
But the downside was that the other two fundamental missions of
psychology-making the lives of all people better and nurturing
"genius"-were all but forgotten.
We became a victimology. Human beings were seen as passive
foci: Stimuli
came on and elicited "responses," or external "reinforcements"
weakened
or strengthened "responses," or conflicts from childhood
pushed the
human being around. Viewing the human being as essentially passive,
psychologists treated mental illness within a theoretical framework
of
repairing damaged habits, damaged drives, damaged childhoods and
damaged
brains.
By Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD American Psychological Association
President
VOLUME 29, NUMBER 1 - January 1998
http://www.apa.org/monitor/jan98/pres.html
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Seligman touts the art of arguing with yourself
The link between pessimism and depression
begins in the way we talk to our inner selves.
It won't be drugs like Prozac, nor will it be widespread psychotherapy
sessions that alter the epidemic of depression now affecting young
people, warned American Psychological Association President
Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD, at the 1998 Annual Convention
in San Francisco.
Rather, he said, at a Psi Chi sponsored lecture on 'Prevention of
depression and positive psychology,' it will require psychologists
to
teach people how to take advantage of a simple skill they all have
but
tend to use incorrectly.
'It's called disputing,' said Seligman-the act of 'monitoring and
then
arguing against the catastrophic things that you say to yourself.'
Those internal conversations, he said, revolve around 'explanatory
styles' that we commonly adopt when bad things happen to us. Our
particular explanatory style, he said, is clearly linked to our
susceptibility to pessimism and, therefore, to depression. Learning
how to internally dispute negative reactions, he said, is a critical
step
toward avoiding depression.
'The rates of depression and pessimism among young people and
middle-aged adults have never been higher,' he said. 'The mean age
of
onset has gone from 30 to 15. It's no longer a middle-aged housewife's
disorder. It's a teen-ager's disorder.'
By Patrick A. McGuire, Monitor staff
http://www.apa.org/monitor/oct98/talk.html
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About Re-evaluation Counseling
The following is an excerpt from the re-evaluation counselling
website. I have some friends who have used this process who say
it is very helpful.
"Re-evaluation Counseling is a process whereby people of all
ages and of all backgrounds can learn how to exchange effective
help with each other in order to free themselves from the effects
of past distress experiences.
Re-evaluation Counseling theory provides a model of what a human
being can be like in the area of his/her interaction with other
human beings and his/her environment. The theory assumes that everyone
is born with tremendous intellectual potential, natural zest, and
lovingness, but that these qualities have become blocked and obscured
in adults as the result of accumulated distress experiences (fear,
hurt, loss, pain, anger, embarrassment, etc.) which begin early
in our lives.
Any young person would recover from such distress spontaneously
by use of the natural process of emotional discharge (crying, trembling,
raging, laughing, etc.). However, this natural process is usually
interfered with by well-meaning people ("Don't cry," "Be
a big boy," etc.) who erroneously equate the emotional discharge
(the healing of the hurt) with the hurt itself.
When adequate emotional discharge can take place, the person is
freed from the rigid pattern of behavior and feeling left by the
hurt. The basic loving, cooperative, intelligent, and zestful nature
is then free to operate. Such a person will tend to be more effective
in looking out for his or her own interests and the interests of
others, and will be more capable of acting successfully against
injustice.
In recovering and using the natural discharge process, two people
take turns counseling and being counseled. The one acting as the
counselor listens, draws the other out and permits, encourages,
and assists emotional discharge. The one acting as client talks
and discharges and re-evaluates. With experience and increased confidence
and trust in each other, the process works better and better."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright © 1995-2002 The International Re-evaluation Counseling
Communities.
All rights reserved. Their website is ... http://www.rc.org/
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